Being ‘Deep’ is a Superpower! 5 Mind Hacks for Highly Sensitive People.
“You can only understand people if you feel them in yourself.” ~ John Steinbeck.
You’re too sensitive! Why do you always go so deep?
It’s debilitating to grow up knowing that you are different. Having those close to you verify those feelings of inadequacy and isolation compounds, year after year, until you start to feel and identify with the label.
Maybe I am just odd, neurotic and abnormal?
You start to question whether anybody will really love the real you. As a child, in your vulnerable, formative years, you develop coping behaviours; you become accustomed to being manipulated; expending massive amounts of your energy trying to help others. There’s an inner sense of how they feel; you take on those additional emotions and flawed conceptions and bury them deep inside with all the other emotional burdens you’ve taken on.
You may even become numb and miss the nuances that could reveal the very people you should avoid.
“It’s the hardest thing in the world to go on being aware of someone else’s pain.” ~ Pat Barker
You’re being a great friend, lover, sister, brother, and parent right? But it doesn’t placate you; deep down you’re aware there will always be more people who need your help.
You have impossible expectations of yourself. You put others on a pedestal and fantasise that you could be as confident and capable as they are. You tend to attract people into your life who take advantage of your sensitivity and empathy. These ‘allies’ disappear when you require support and validation. You don’t ask much, yet soon enough, you discover that your problems are insignificant compared to theirs. They ensure their story is of the utmost priority.
Your fight or flight response is always in top gear and your adrenals and nervous system start to malfunction. Fatigue sets in, and you settle into a life where attempts to manage the situation with ill equipped tools is challenging and feelings go unrecognised. Upsetting the status quo often drives you into a guilt and self depreciation bubble where incessant rumination becomes your companion.
Your shame and guilt is perpetuated and, like a magnet, you keep attracting the same situation over and over. Abuse, narcissism, co-dependency, bullies and manipulators. This results in sheer physical and mental exhaustion ~ until you remove the blindfold.
It should never be this way. You are more than enough; perfect as you are.
“The highest form of knowledge is empathy.” ~ Bill Bullard
It is emotional suicide to keep supplying tools that boost the ego of the narcissist or manipulative personality. Bullies will continue delving deep because they know your triggers. Being an open book is a virtue, however, it allows entry to objectionable, psychological piranhas on the hunt for an ego reward; their appetite is never satiated.
You are the fuel in their mission of grandiosity and adoration. You allow them an endless supply of false ego perpetuation; they do not take kindly to seeing you grow in confidence and blossom into the powerful, empathic pioneer that you are. To them, you are part of their fan club and they are terrified of abandonment and losing their supply.
It may be a family member, your lover, your boss, or your friend; they do not like to lose — Ever!
They can be extroverted and charming, or they can be quiet and seemingly harmless, covert manipulators who fly under the radar. They often play victim; they are energy vampires and it’s never their fault. We should all be proud of their martyrdom and if you stand up to their manipulative tactics, their spite can manifest in rather unpleasant behaviour.
I’ve experienced this countless times in my own upbringing and I perceived very quickly that one should not to prod the sleeping bull. I learned never to ask ‘why’ or to say ‘no’. Now, I will always ask why, and you should too!
“Empathy is connection; it’s a ladder out of the shame hole” ~ Brené Brown
Beware the sensitive, intuitive ones out there; it is wise to remember these ego driven individuals have not grown emotionally — they are projecting their inadequacies onto you. It could be a critical parent, a power hungry teacher or a jealous work colleague. They wear an assortment of masks.
You may or may not have realised who is sucking at your life force, but for the Highly Sensitive People (HSPs) out there, it’s time to block their access from your empathetic heart and soul. Too often, sympathy takes over and you are left depleted.
Here’s a few tips I’ve learned along the way to reduce the impact of manipulative, emotionally draining personalities.
1. Distance: Just stay away as much is humanly possible. If you have to face these people, such as family, then keep your aspirations and projects to yourself. Give them no reason to belittle you. Spend your time with those who appreciate you.
2. Expectations: Lower your expectations. Recognise that if you are dealing with a narcissist or victim mentality you won’t win. They are emotionally constricted, they lack emotional intelligence, and their capacity for empathy can be non-existent.
3. Boundaries: Manipulative people will test your boundaries, repetitively.They know your weakness. Know your ‘frenemies’. Work on self preservation, self care and learning to say no, without explanation. Remove yourself from any situation that is not complimentary to your wellbeing.
4. Self Love: Protect your self-love bubble. Do not over-respond; there is no point if you are speaking to a brick wall. Remember, delete them from your emotional storehouse. Smile.
5. Expect a Backlash: As you build strength, the manipulator will try to engage you and will use your weaknesses as a way to break through your armour. It can be relentless and exhausting, but with proper self care and boundaries, you can do this!
State your viewpoint assertively and do not engage further! Breathe.
It’s an arduous process to gain confidence in your powers, to embrace your individuality, to feel normal and live without the shame of feeling like a docile robot. But it’s rewarding, and the gift you can share with the world is priceless beyond belief. The world needs us all! We are unique, intuitive, and perceptive.
In short, the highly sensitive person or empath feels and senses deeply. They have great intuitve powers and are keen observers. It is therefore essential to utilise strategies to keep the self preservation tool kit at the ready; to arm yourself against energy predators and stay present in your domain. It is a consistent practice that requires self-monitoring and assertive practices, yet it is liberating and promotes a healthy mind, body and soul. Stay empowered so you can illuminate that shining light for others who will benefit from your special gift — being deep and sensitive is a not a handicap it’s a Superpower.
